So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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