I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
