A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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