Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
