rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
