Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
