how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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