If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize