there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
