I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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