i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
