Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize