I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
