So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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