problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
