Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
