I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
