SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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