some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
