wanna go halves on a baby?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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