I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
