I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
