Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize