we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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