I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
