Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
