You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
