He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
