You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
