I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hippo gnu deer
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
