You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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