I saw his package. It spoke to me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
