Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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