Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
