wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
