just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
