I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
