i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
