I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
