Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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