lets start a swedish sibling band together
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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