A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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