we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
