you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
