I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
