We won't sleep together?
I accidentally had phone sex last night
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
