I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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