she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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