I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
