I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
