all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
