She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize