If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
