Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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