Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
