remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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