I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize