I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize