Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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