She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
