Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
