just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
