Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
