I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize