Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
