We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
