Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He better not be in your backpack
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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