Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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