I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just threw up on my dentist
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
