he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
