If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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