I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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