Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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