I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize